Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dating An Old Crush

Dating An Old Crush Image
I just finished watching the first four seasons of Dexter. For those of you who have never seen the show, the main character, Dexter Morgan, is a serial killer. He interacts convincingly with other people, despite being a sociopath, by maintaining only superficial relationships. His inability to feel and, therefore, to express any emotion regularly frustrates his sister, Deb.

I fell for Dexter - twice.

My crush on Dave began in our late teens. We are the same age and we knew each other through my not-so-Jewish, Jewish friends. I remember being at Susie's parents' pool on a hot summer night and seeing him for the first time. He was so handsome. He wore a baseball hat over his messy brown hair and a tight, dark blue t-shirt that showed off his natural, Spartan-like pecs. He had the cutest dimpled smile I had ever seen (I'm a sucker for dimples). I believe it was around this time that my attraction to gentile boys was unleashed.

He was in town only on a visit. At the end of high school, his dad got a job in Arizona and moved his family there. Many years later, during one of our many drunk, late-night pillow talks, Dave told me the story of how he lost his virginity to a 40-something-year-old woman while working as a gardener in a rich neighborhood in Arizona. I loved that story. It had a sort of pornographic, pool boy in a thong, feminist movement quality to it.

The next time I saw Dave, I was twenty eight and had just moved back to Montreal from New York City to live with my boyfriend. After six weeks of being back home in Montreal, my relationship proved itself to be, yet another, hopeless cause. I found myself back on the single's scene - again. I loved being single then. Now I can barely say the word. It makes me feel like a teeny bopper (even though saying "teeny bopper" is probably worse than saying "single").

Over the years since that day at Susie's pool, Dave had moved back to Montreal and, with the money he had earned modeling in Europe, he and his best friend, Travis, bought over a well-known bar called Shanghai. Under their management, Shanghai picked up and has lasted in an area that has otherwise really seen its day.

When I saw Dave at his bar, for the first time in years, it seemed like not a day had gone by. He still had that same hair, but shorter and could have been wearing that same blue tee. He was older now and even more handsome and his dimple was covered by dark, sexy stubble. Apparently that night Dave was in an unusually good mood because he had just broken up with his girlfriend, Claire, after four and a half years. My crush was still in full force and I was so excited to talk to him.

It took about two months for me to actually talk to Dave. It was my birthday and I decided to celebrate with my friends at the most obvious place. The weather was steamy that night and the vodka sodas were on the house (which I realized, later, Dave offered to everyone and this did not make me special). Dave was hiding in his usual spot under the tree in the corner of the terrrasse, chain smoking, and doing his best to conceal his social anxiety (yes, a bar owner with social anxiety). I decided to walk over to thank him for making my birthday so much fun. As I approached him, he noticed me coming and he smiled. I was shaking. When I got to him, to my complete surprise, I realized that he was more nervous than me.

"I have had a crush on you for ten years." That probably wasn't the first thing he said but that's how I'd like to remember it. I didn't answer. I don't think I could talk because I don't think I was actually breathing. My heart was racing. "I have always thought you were so beautiful." Still him. I don't quite remember the rest of the conversation exactly but it was confirmed that we were both single (ugh) and I think he may have hugged me. Best. Birthday. Ever.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Carlos Xuma - Dating Questions And Answers
Dr Joy Browne - Dating For Dummies

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