Monday, August 7, 2006

Get Past Breakups And Failed Relationships

Get Past Breakups And Failed Relationships Cover
Don't Think Twice,You Can Make It How to get past breakups and failed relationships.

Q: I am always asking myself what's wrong with me because most of my relationships have failed or lead to breakups. Could there be a problem with me?

A: It's easy to blame ourselves when relationships fail. Sometimes we push others away, and sometimes they push us away. Other times there is no one at fault because the feelings simply die and the relationship naturally ends. It's also easy to lose perspective when we're in pain – all losses, big or small, produce feelings of anger, sadness and even denial to some degree. What you are feeling is normal. Let's start thinking of breakups in another way – as learning experiences. You should feel proud that you were open and vulnerable enough to give another person your love and devotion. Such vulnerability is a sign of great faith and bravery. Vulnerable people are not weak, they're strong. Love is a risky proposition, but nothing in the world can compare to the payoffs. However, no amount of energy can transform relationships that are wrong for us into ones that are right for us. Remember, every one of your relationships helps you learn more about yourself and what you want and need in a partner. In this sense, relationships that don't last are not failures. They are opportunities for learning. You will find strength, perspective, and renewed hope and optimism if you view your past relationships this way. Remember that you're attractive inside and out. That is not an opinion; it's a fact. You know this, because you've had several romantic relationships. What you might not have had yet is a romantic relationship with a truly compatible person – and that makes all the difference in the world. Short-term compatibility is not the same as long-term compatibility. It takes a strong and persistent individual to find a truly compatible person, because it takes time and knowledge to recognize long-term compatibility when you encounter it. Finding love is first finding out what you want and need for yourself, and what you have inside to give to another. That is a process, rather than merely an outcome. You can find that compatible person! Use the TRUE Compatibility Test™ to help you cull the prospects and find someone with whom you will have lasting love. Our test will not tell you whether you are going to fall madly in love with another person on a physical level, just whether it is a good idea if you do.

Q: I don't have problems meeting ladies online, and they seem to enjoy writing back and forth. I'm not at a loss for words and can usually get a date. My problem: I have worked in law enforcement most of my life and was injured in the line of duty. I live an independent life, but I look like someone with a disability, like polio, MS or CP. From my experience this can be a very big turn-off for a lot of ladies looking for Mr. Right. How can I deal with this, even after telling them the truth? This can lead to hurt feelings all the way around! Can you help?

A: First and foremost, thank you for your lifelong service in the public safety and security sector. We're deeply and aggressively committed to making online dating safer, so we especially appreciate the sacrifices you've made and are sensitive to the issues you face on a daily basis. It's crucial for you to understand that women are much more forgiving about looks than men when it comes to romantic love. Women place greater emphasis on other characteristics – like an attractive personality, sense of humor and the ability of a man to provide emotional and financial security. Look at the loving relationship the actor Christopher Reeve continued to have with his wife after his paralyzing injury. It sounds to me like you have these positive characteristics, which often outweigh the influence of physical attributes. If you agree, then emphasize these traits more in your online profile and in your conversations. What's amazing in your case is that you have all of these things to offer a prospect despite your physical limitations. This fact will make you particularly attractive to the right woman. Only by being upfront and honest about yourself will you find that right woman – one who defines Mr. Right in terms that transcend physical ability.

Good luck, and please keep us posted on what happens!

Suggested reading (pdf e-books):

Martha Kelley - Gender Differences And Leadership
John Shore - Seven Reasons Women Stay In Abusive Relationships

Keywords: silly routines silly  being your  common mistakes when  masculinity  turn friend girlfriend  dmitry  super your  
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Sunday, August 6, 2006

Getting One Night Stand But Cant Perform

Getting One Night Stand But Cant Perform Cover
A lot more men have this going on than you think. They get a woman into bed, and find that their mind seems to want to go faster than their bodies do.
Often guys who have this also don't orgasm with women the first time they have sex with them--they need to go at it a few times before they relax enough to "let loose."

This is more normal than you think. Many men, especially shy men, or men who haven't had much success with women, think that they want to have a lot of one-night stands...but when they finally succeed in getting a stranger into bed, they find that they aren't interested after all.

This can be incredibly disconcerting. You do the work to be seductive, you actually succeed, you've got into bed some hot 19-year-old whose name you can't even remember and whose last name you've never even heard, and your manhood decides to take a vacation on you. This is the thanks you get? What the hell is going on here?

It turns out that while most men think they want to have one-night-stands, a great number of them only like the idea in theory, or in fantasy. They are stuck with these sad facts: Being sexual is really pretty intimate. Not surprisingly, being that intimate requires a good deal of trust. Trust takes time to build. Therefore, those men who are not good at one-night stands have to accept that they don't actually want the instant-sex that they think they want.

So what's a fellow to do? We suggest that you listen to you dick when you are being sexual. But how to do that? You can say to a woman you are getting to know, "I have to tell you--I need to go slow into sexuality. I can be kind of, well, shy, when I first get sexual." After giving that warning, just listen to what you want to do with a woman, and don't go any farther than your dick wants you to.

The weird thing is, this little speech (and following up on it) can have two almost paradoxical effects:

First, telling a woman you want to slow down the sexuality in your relationship is often such a turn-on to her that she will end up wanting to go faster, or at least as fast as you chose to go. Unexpectedly, telling her you want to slow down puts you in the driver's seat with a woman, putting YOU in charge of how fast sexuality goes. This makes you more of the "desired commodity" in the relationship.

Second, taking the pressure off yourself to have to perform with a woman can make it easier for you to, uh, perform. If you know that you don't have to 'get it up,' and she knows you aren't going to go nuts to push it, the freedom that knowledge gives you can make sex even more likely to have sex happen.

Third, practice often makes perfect. If you don't have to perform, and both you and her know it, in time you might get better at one-nighters. At two AM, after drinks and late-night pizza and who-knows-what-else on the way to your one-nighter, she may not notice if you fall asleep half-way to going the distance, anyway.

But the real point of all this is that accepting yourself as someone who actually isn't interested in one-nighters is a really good idea. Don't worry, you'll get used to it in time...and not trying to be something you are not will ultimately improve your sex life.

Suggested reading (pdf e-books):

Dating Insider - Getting The First Date
Helen Ferry - Get The Facts About Condoms

Keywords: silly routines silly  being your  common mistakes when  masculinity  turn friend girlfriend  dmitry  super your  
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