READER QUESTION: CAN A FRIEND BECOME MORE?
Julia and I have been friends for years, and I know just about everything about her. Last year, though, I found myself falling in love with her.
When I asked her if she and I could ever be more than just friends, she said no, that I was more like a brother to her.
Since then, I've lost a lot of weight, got a great job and dress like a star. And it's obvious Julia has noticed because she doesn't dress sloppily in front of me anymore and she doesn't discuss her sex life with me like she used to.
What I want to know is: Can I get out of the "friend zone"? How can I play this so that she starts wanting me?
My friends tell me I have to start acting like a jerk because that seems to be the kinds of guys she goes for. Is this true?
STEVE NAKAMOTOS ANSWER:
You have an interesting and all-to-common romantic situation. And the good news is that women tend to reevaluate their judgments more readily than men do when it comes to romantic love.
Men make fast decisions and then they're done. With women, men can often get a second chance.
So what can you do in order to make yourself more desirable in the eyes of this particular woman? Here are a few things to become more aware of:
You're more like a brother to her because you've treated her more like a sister.
YOU MUST CHANGE WITHIN
Your internal change (who you are in terms of higher self-esteem, emotional maturity, and mental clarity) must be as radical as the outside changes you made with in your weight, job, and dress.
Breaking out of the friend zone will usually require a break in time. So go away for awhile and do other things so that your absence is noticed. If you're always available or always around, she'll continue to think of you as she always has.
Don't overrate or underrate her. (Jerks never overrate, wimps do.) Just see her as a person, a woman, a friend, and possibly someone more special. Give her the chance to reveal herself naturally.
Acting like a jerk may get you short-term results at the expense of long-term unhappiness. Remember that jerks operate from disguised negativity. All negativity directed at other people is unhealthy and automatically leads to poor relationship results.
RESPECT HER, DON'T GET MEAN
Treat other people with total respect and realize that what goes around comes around. This is just a basic law of life that you must be wise enough to follow.
Go about your business and don't worry what other people think (jerks don't care what other people think)
And lastly, remember that opportunity comes through other people. And you present an opportunity for Julia to have a better, more fulfilling life. She provides you that same opportunity. Offer her the freedom to be herself. Then have faith that she will offer you the same in return.
Good luck and enjoy your journey.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Fj Shark - How To Be The Jerk Women Love
Anthony Berger - How To Get Into Threesomes
Joseph Matthews - Break Out Of The Friends Zone
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