There's a good reason for this.
I think that most guys use romance in completely the wrong way, and in the process screw up their chances with the woman that they are interested in. I'm going to take some time here to talk about my personal perspective on romance, how it is misused, and how to use it to really make a woman feel attracted to you. Most guys make one of two main mistakes when trying to be "romantic":
1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.
2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more
must be better.
Let me ask you this What does romance mean to you?
I'm serious. Think about it for a minute.
Does romance mean gifts and flower?
Does it mean fancy dinners?
Does it mean candles and soft music?
To me, romance is about showing a softer side of yourself a more thoughtful side in a way that is meant to INCREASE the woman's attraction for you.
Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too many things in an attempt to "be romantic", and the effect is lost.
Here's a quiz:
In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:
1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.
2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw her, but it was her favorite flower, in her favorite color.
Here's another one
In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:
1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw her.
2) Didn't take her to dinner, but one night cooked her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and told her the story of how it came to be a family favorite?
Do you see where I'm going with these examples?
"Romance" is all about the context of the situation. In other words, little things that are thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more of an impact than trying to do everything you possibly can all the time.
Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one at a time and saying, "He loves me, he loves me not"? This is a famous cliche even Madonna does it in her old "Truth or Dare" movie.
What's going on here? And why is it now such a famous idea that it is almost universally known?
Because it strikes a chord inside of women everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of thinking about a man and wondering if he's thinking about her. Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, "Heloves me, he loves me not", is just another way of saying, "I can't stop thinking about this guy and I'm going to keep thinking about him until I know how he feels."
As you know, if you've read past newsletters and/or my ebook, I think that it's important to CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly possible. Now, here's where romance fits into the puzzle If you're doing things that you considerto be "romantic" all the time, then she has nothing to wonder about nothing to think about there is no challenge or mystery at all.
On the other hand, if you use romance more carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside and cause her to work even harder to get and keep your attention - BECAUSE SHE'LL TRY HARDER TO GET MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU! So what are some things you can do, that women see as romantic, without going overboard?
Well, if you want to do the typical things like flowers, gifts, music, poetry, etc. then do as I said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool when the emotional reaction comes!
She's probably going to be very happy and want to know "where that came from." Just tell her that you were thinking about her and move on to the
next topic. Don't get all mushy, dude. By the way, if you've gone out with a woman 47 times, and you don't know if she likes you, and you're now thinking, "Oh, hey great idea! I'll buy her a flower and she'll feel attracted to me" then get a new idea.
Romance isn't a way to make a woman feel attracted to you.
Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is already happening.
Read that last part again DON'T TRY TO MAKE A WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU WITH ROMANCE!
Attraction is created by factors other than gifts, dinners, flowers, etc. If she's not feeling attracted to you, then showing her that you're attracted to her probably isn't going to change it in fact, it may just push her away.
I know, I know you once heard about a guy who pursued a woman for 9 years until she finally gave in and married him. Well, that might work, but I don't have 9 years (unless it's Cindy Crawford yeah, I know she's like 50, but she's STILL hot).
Earlier I mentioned a couple of great ideas. You can cook her a special meal that has meaning and tell the story behind it. Stories are romantic, especially if the story contains a love story.
And small gifts can be romantic as well (I don't like big gifts because they change the dynamic of the relationship and can create all kinds of feelings that it's a trade of affection for money, etc.).
If you pay attention, a woman will mention something that she really likes. It could be a kind of flower, a kind of music, an author, etc. If you want to be romantic (after you know that she's attracted to you) you can get something thoughtful then write a card that says, "I was thinking about you, and I found this thought you would like it. Kiss Kiss." Use romance as the spice, and not the main dish. Use it to amplify, not as your main strategy. Romance combined with the techniques that I teach is a VERY powerful combination.
HOW TO CREATE A SETTING THAT AUTOMATICALLY CREATES AND AMPLIFIES ATTRACTION
We just talked about how most guys either have no clue about romance, or they use it too much which screws up everything for them.
There is one aspect of romance that I have found very useful to know more about and use. It's the concept of how to create a SETTING that will create more of a feeling of attraction inside of the woman that you are with.
WARNING: What I'm about to share with you is not a magic bullet. It's no substitute for a cocky, funny personality and great skills. Using this alone will not make you successful with women. With that said I've found that there are a few things you can do in your immediate environment to "accelerate the mood", so to speak, when you are with a woman.
Women have very active senses usually much more so than men.
If you have already sparked the attraction between you and her, introducing certain sensory stimulus will usually increase the attraction, and can lead to a more, shall we say "physical" demonstration of that attraction.
OK, let's say that you've had a fun night out with your girl (and of course, because you read Double Your Dating (review) you knew where to take her that was fun and inexpensive) and you're back at your place. (Of course, she came inside because you learned how to get her to come in from the book too right?) And then you use the Kiss Test, which you learned when you visited my web site and you've just kissed for the first time. Now what?
Well, most guys make the HUGE mistake of trying to grope the poor girl which, of course leads to the inevitable "I think that we're moving a
little fast. Let's take things slower." (Translation: "None for you tonight, and if you try that again, none for you anytime in the next 10 dates.")
" Instead, try this:"
After that first kiss, pull back and look into her eyes and say, "Yum." Then stand up and say, "Let me see if I can do something about this setting" in a fun, smooth, kind-of suspenseful tone of voice.
HERE'S THE RECIPE:
1) A few candles
2) Some incense
3) A glass of wine (if you both drink and are of legal age)
4) Sade's - Greatest Hits on low
I know it sounds simple, but let me explain the recipe now that you know the ingredients. Remember the formula "Two steps forward, one step back" that I often talk about? Mix up these ingredients with that concept and VIOLA! More and MORE AND MORE attraction.
You probably don't need to learn how to light candles, open wine, and play music. If you do, refer to the instructions that come with the products.
I personally like to introduce these as great ways to interrupt the kissing (and whatever else is going on).
1) Kiss Kiss
2) "Let me see if I can do something about this setting"
3) Light candles and incense, lower lighting
4) Kiss Kiss
5) Open wine and put on 'Sade'
6) Kiss Kiss
7) Watch out because something good is about to happen.
Here's what's going on in her mind:
"Oh, we're kissing. I'd better not let this go too far."
"What? Why did he stop kissing me? Oh, candles. I love candles"
"Wow, this is turning into a make-out session, maybe I'd better put on the brakes."
"What? Why did he stop again?"
"Ohhh, I LOVE 'Sade'. Her voice is so sexy. And this wine is nice. Hmm, I wonder why he isn't trying to jump my bones. Maybe he doesn't think I'm a good kisser. Maybe he changed his mind. Well I'm not going to let that happen. I'll show him"
Do you get it? By simultaneously creating tension while making the setting more and more 'romantic', you will stir up her ATTRACTION towards you and make her be the one who ultimately gets so worked up that she can't help but have you.
Of course there are many other things you can do that are romantic. Like sprinkling rose petals on the bed, pulling out some Godiva chocolate, or lighting up the fire and grabbing a blankie (make sure you don't bring out your teddy-bear from when you were a kid that might not go over too well). It's really up to you. The key is to use these things sparingly, and use them with the concepts that you've already learned to AMPLIFY THE ATTRACTION that you've already created with your COMMUNICATION.
So remember, use these things with women who are ALREADY feeling the attraction, not to create it!
Learn more from David DeAngelo with his book Double Your Dating.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Simon Heong - How To Instantly Attract Any Woman
Wayne Ross - Secrets To Attracting Beautiful Women
Joseph Plazo - Magnetic Attraction
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