Here is precisely the type of thing which raises the blood pressure. A woman went to a zoo, paid her money to get in and went to the dolphin show, part of which is for the dolphins to stand up in the water and splash it over the side onto the first row of spectators.
This woman, instead of watching the show, walked between spectators and dolphins, they duly splashed, she fell over and now her lawyers say:
Officials "recklessly and wilfully trained and encouraged the dolphins to throw water at the spectators in the stands, making the floor wet and slippery," but failed to post warning signs or lay down protective mats or strips, the suit said, according to the reports.
Recklessly and wilfully trained the dolphins? At a zoo? With an advertised dolphin show with water? And the lawyers kept a straight face whilst filing that suit? Where do we start on this thing? What words can be said about the mentality of that particular woman?
What words can be written here about the mindset which refuses to accept any responsibility whatever for the condition of his/her life? Imagine a criminal who, for one reason or another, has a long history of ruining his own life but does he try to take stock and improve it? Not a bit of it - he finds people to project his own failure onto and makes the one who sprung him into a villain.
How many people refuse to accept responsibility for themselves? That's what was behind this post, which had the women up in arms and this one, which the men ignored. We are most certainly living in a time now which seems to encourage people not to "own" their own fate but to put it onto others.
Interestingly, that's also what Christianity offers, on the surface - redemption for past sins, a chance to expunge them but the fatal mistake is in thinking that there is no cost. There is very much a cost because it only works if you believe and if you believe, then there are responsibilities thrust upon you, part of which are to make one's own way and not to blame others for what you yourself do.
And what of the great rationalists who reject that social and spiritual contract? How are they doing with owning their own life? Look at the story today for a start and how many more examples do we see of people refusing to accept responsibility, especially in marriages?
Was it a mere coincidence that the post on "children forced into sex" had thousands of readers and the post on "responsibility" had maybe less than a hundred? Responsibility is not a popular word these days.
Phillip McGraw's Lifelaw 2 - we create our own situation
If we consider that we are no longer children, then we, ourselves, must answer for our own life - good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or sad.
If we don't like our job, we must answer for it. If our relationships are on the rocks, we must answer for them. It is never completely the other person's fault. We, ourselves, may also have contributed to this situation.
Although we might accept this in theory, we nevertheless believe that in our particular situation it's different, of course - we can prove that it is the other person's fault. This is actually our problem.
Sometimes we then start gathering friends and colleagues together who will agree that we are innocent and that the other person is guilty. In the end, this is a waste of time and energy and helps maintain our self delusion.
However, if we can accept that we may possibly have erred, even a little and that only we, ourselves, are going to get us out of our own troubles, then we can start working on them.
Perhaps forces outside our control did cause our situation but if we allow that situation to continue or if we remain in it - then that's our own fault.
At the same time, if we choose thoughts that create low self-esteem or which make us angry, this achieves no lasting result and leads us to become alienated and bitter.
The harsh reality
This is the political divide today. One group of people, I'd suggest the majority, think that anyone else but them is responsible for the situation - no money, no job, no luck in relationships, people rejecting them. It's the state's job to provide for them; if they fall over in the street, it's someone else's responsibility, e.g. the council and so on.
Perma-infantilization.
The other group accepts responsibility. Collectively, we voted in this appalling government, in a rush of blood. Over the past twelve years there's been an opportunity to throw it out and people didn't, despite all the warnings. Sonus, many other bloggers and even I have pinpointed who is keeping this witch's pot brewing but this is ignored.
What can we do? How can we take responsibility for what others did and refuse to do?
While it's not my fault that this government has made it impossible to live in my own country, while I have this blog to rail at Brown et al, nevertheless, I'm staying here for various lifestyle reasons. Fine, So be it. I shall keep complaining and trying to change things from within but at the same time, the reality has to be accepted - this is what we now have on our hands. Thus, I can either adapt, depart or sink. Many have chosen to depart and live over in France. I can't for certain reasons. Therefore, I must adapt.
My choice, my responsibility.
Longrider comments today on a Guardian writer who went to France and didn't like what he found:
For someone who is half French, I would have thought he would know better... My experience of France is that it has always been thus. Since moving here, I have adopted the same relaxed approach to life. I could, had I remained in the UK, pretty much double my income - the work's there if I want it, but there are things I value more... The French understand this. James Bennett appears not to.
Examples of this attitude abound. They must adjust for our convenience.
Compassion and the legacy of bitterness
Changing tack a little, the chances of any happiness coming out of revenge are minimal. The chances of good things coming our way by being strong enough to make peace are greatly multiplied and there are other spin-offs too, not least being peace of mind. Revenge begets counter-revenge and then counter-counter revenge. Making peace is a more permanent solution because it is mutual and only mutual agreements, not anger, not revenge, not litigation are going to last. The other merely locks you into a cycle of destruction.
Who was it said, "Let not the sun go down on your wrath?"
Do unto others...
To shift the focus once again, everyone's motivated by self-interest. Incentive is therefore at the root of any functioning society.
Socialist panaceas just don't work at the macro level and they've never worked. When they've failed, socialists have tried to look for which local conditions affected the outcome without once considering the unsustainability of the whole paradigm. Meanwhile, they've brought down untold misery on others.
Self-interest is what motivates people but it also loses you everything. If you have no interest in the other person, then how can you expect him to take an interest in you? This is where the Christian message has something to say. What was that prime commandment again? To love your neighbour as yourself? This was no empty rhetoric - it was a very cluey person who was laying down a sustainable way to operate.
There are two things no one wants anything to do with.
One is someone asking us for money and the other is someone asking us to read and critique his/her writing. Every blogger is a writer and a potential best-selling author, at least in his/her mind. Every blogger would like to be published. Every one of us would like to at least be read and to find out if we're any good or not.
My novel has sat in the navbar for months and during that time, only one person was interested enough to read it and comment on it intelligently. Fine. Let it be so. When someone hurriedly said yesterday, in answer to something I'd quoted from my book, "I have a long reading list to get through," then immediately asked me to read and critique his/her own creative piece instead, [this is true], my reaction was to look up at the ceiling. Did I react wrongly?
Do unto others...
It comes out in so many different ways. Everyone wants love and respect but it dries up if you don't give it yourself. I heard a conversation in a pub where two people were talking in parallel - they were both putting their points of view at the same time and both said, at the end, "Didn't you listen to a word I said?"
Mary Robinson wants all opinions to be heard but what she really means is opinions close to hers, to which Croydonian replies:
Given Robinson's history of modish left wing views, presumably she will not be very interested in the contributions of creative artists with more traditional, let alone religious leanings.
This do unto others also comes into visiting other blogs. The principle is burned in perpetuity in my mind, a very, very simple principle - if I don't visit and I never link, then I don't get visited and linked in return.
That's why I have little time for blogs which either don't allow comments or never visit - I'm afraid their wisdom falls on deaf ears with me and I'd wager it works that way for you too. However, if you're reasonable about it, if I'm reasonable about it, things go well.
Not always though and this is where the reality of life comes in. Glance at my blogrolls, if you would. There are a few hundred people there, of whom maybe twenty visit me in the space of a month. Why keep them on the rolls? Well, partly because what they have to say is often interesting and partly because I hope against hope they'll one day visit me. I don't drop them from the roll for fear they might be checking my posts in RSS.
There is a well known lady blogger in the British political sphere. I ambush her almost daily and comment and maybe six others comment too. She acknowledges their comments but never mine. That's life and I'll keep going over there, who knows why? One day, she may even deign to answer one of my comments.
This is the harsh logic, the harsh reality of life and of blogging too. What can we do? Either change the situation, adapt or depart. In the meantime, all we can do is try to write posts people wish to read - if they like them, they visit. If they don't like them - they don't.
That's all.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):
Wings Of Success - How To Date The Hottest Women Online And OfflineKristine Hallbom - Psychology Of Money Prosperity Abundance
David Lieberman - Instant Facts How To Get The Truth Out Of Anyone
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