She Says She Has A Boyfriend

“I have a boyfriend.” Any guy who has at least occasionally approached a woman when out and about has probably heard a woman say this to him. And not just in response to the question: “Do you have a boyfriend.” In this post, I address the situation where a guy sees a woman and goes over to say hello, and she responds by saying “I have a boyfriend.” The first few times this happens to you, it will seem confusing. Why is she telling you this? Why wouldn’t she just say “hello” back? Such a response may come off as rude, insulting, or bitchy.

So what’s going on here? Does this woman actually have a boyfriend? Although it’s possible, if she is quick to say that she has a boyfriend when you are just being friendly, most likely what she is saying is “I’m not interested. Please leave me alone.” (the “please” being optional) The reason for this is that many women, especially attractive women, are being approached by men countless times a day. If they go to a bar or are at a party, or in any social setting, they can expect to be approached or “hit on” literally dozens of times. Some women enjoy the flattery, the compliments, the attention. But other women don’t. If they aren’t “interested” in you, they will be quick to turn you away – and they have found that saying “I have a boyfriend” is an easy way to do this.

While some women have developed this tactic for dealing with guys approaching them when they want to be left alone, other women enjoy being approached (i.e. attention) and they also enjoy turning guys away. They may enjoy what they feel is a sense of entitlement or “power” in being able to shoot a guy down only to have a line of men nevertheless waiting around the corner for their chance. With these women, you aren’t missing out on much anyways.

So to review, if a woman says she has a boyfriend right away:

1. She actually has a boyfriend and is not interested in talking to you.

2. She doesn’t have a boyfriend but isn’t interested in talking to you.

3. She doesn’t have a boyfriend but isn’t interested in being approached by anyone.

You can see the consistency. And these will be the primary reasons. Of course, she may have a boyfriend and be telling you upfront to make sure you realize this so that if you decide to keep talking to her you are doing so knowing that she has a boyfriend (and presumptively therefore only for reasons that are not romantic). Likewise, it’s possible that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and wants to “challenge” you, for example, if she is into “playing games” and if you are physically attractive (she’s not going to play these games with someone whom she doesn’t find attractive). But while these are possibilities, they are not likely.

Now, another scenario you might come across is when she will entertain the conversation but at some point mention that she has a boyfriend, usually in a way that she thinks “seems natural.” For example: let’s say you introduce yourself and you are having a conversation and you start telling a story about how you spilled red wine on your favorite yellow shirt the other day, and she will interject saying something like “Oh, my boyfriend hates the color yellow.” Another example would be if you say “Do you drink beer?” And she responds by saying, “I don’t, but my boyfriend does.” In reality, this is anything but natural – the intentionality is transparent.

At the end of the day, what’s important is not whether she actually has a boyfriend or doesn’t have a boyfriend. What’s important is that you recognize whether she is or isn’t into you. If she’s not, then that’s an important thing to recognize so that you don’t waste too much of your time and resources. It’s important to stay focused and remember that you want to be pursuing women who are, or it’s likely that they could become, interested in you. You also want to strive to get better at gauging a woman’s level of interest in you when you are talking with her. Remember: the goal is not to impress her, the goal is to see whether there is mutual attraction. When she tells you she has a boyfriend, that’s actually a good thing. She has just made your life easier. You now know to move on.

Now, in reality, in the event that a woman does wind up halfway through a conversation mentioning that she has a boyfriend, she probably has already lost interest before hand during the conversation however you were not recognizing this to be the case. She is telling you she has a boyfriend because you haven’t grasped that she’s not interested through her body language and otherwise showing disinterest. A woman telling you immediately when you approach her she has a boyfriend is one thing – she’s doing so purely based on a superficial evaluation of you, or because she doesn’t want to be approached by anybody. But, on the other hand, if you are constantly being told by women that they have boyfriends after they have allowed you to engage them in conversation, this means that you need to change something: either how you talk with women, you’re ability to gauge whether a woman is interested in you, and even the type of women you talk to and where you go to meet women in the first place.

Lastly, if you are open to meeting new people and if that leads somewhere romantically great, but if not and it’s purely friendly or even just a 1-time interaction, then if you are having a good conversation with a woman and she mentions she has a boyfriend, feel free to continue the interaction and if it seems like she brought up having a boyfriend in a natural way then roll with it. For example, you could respond to her saying her boyfriend drives an Audi with a simple: “Really, how does he like it?” This will show her that you are interested in more than just sex, or finding a romantic interest that night, and this will come off as attractive. At the end of the day, it depends on what your goals are, how you want to spend your time, and being able to respond to the feedback she is giving you.

Also try this free pdf e-books:

Carl Stumpf - Success Stories
Bertrand Russell - The Analysis Of Mind

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