Sociology In Defense Of Snooping

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I've snooped. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Why? Because in EVERY case that led to snooping, I discovered exactly what I sensed- DECEPTION. I have confirmed a past lover's unfaithfulness or general deceptiveness, and snooping gave me the ammunition I needed to definitely "pull the trigger" on the relationship. I haven't snooped on every ex. But when a lover caused that little voice in my head to whisper "something ain't right here girl," I certainly did take it upon myself to check things out. And you know what? I do not feel the least bit guilty for it. I listened to my intuition and gave myself the peace of mind, as well as the closure I needed.

I've always found it interesting when folks give advice like: "You shouldn't snoop. You should just talk to your partner. And if your partner says they're not cheating/lying, just drop the issue. You're probably just being insecure or paranoid. And even if they "ARE" cheating/lying, you still shouldn't snoop. Eventually the truth will come to light anyway.

Really?!

As far as I'm concerned, that kind of advice is absolutely ludicrous. I would never give someone I cared for or counseled that kind of advice. In this day and age, the risks are too high for a woman/man to just "wait for the truth to come to light."

For example, I've observed quite a few men that have taken lying and cheating to a level that is worthy of a psychological case study. So much so that I have come to accept that some men do lack the "morality chip." These types of men are delusional, deceptive and dangerous. They leave you with no other option but to snoop. For example, a close girlfriend once shared that her fianc'e started disappearing for hours at a time and not picking up her calls. Her gut told her something was up. So she decided to do the "adult" thing and confront him. She asked him directly: "Are you cheating?" And he responded: "No babe. That's 'crazy'. I love you. I'd never do that."

His demeanor was calm and his answer was simple, straight forward and he even had an air of being "hurt" by her mistrust.

Now my friend loved this man and didn't want to just leave him on a gut feeling of suspicion. So she went through his cell phone and his computer- ultimately discovering that he had been cheating on her with escorts and prostitutes. After that, my friend confronted her fianc'e again- this time with the evidence. She said that at first he was shocked speechless- but then he quickly became angry and yelled at her for "invading his" privacy. Fortunately, she dropped that clown right then and there.

Interestingly enough I have heard some men (and women) make the argument that snooping is a "violation of privacy." What do I say to that? My response is this: You can live with losing a lover. But what you shouldn't live with is the idea of willfully putting your emotional and even physical health at risk. Ignorance is not bliss. What you don't know "can" hurt you- or even kill you. And while you should be respectful of your significant other's privacy- you should not do so to the detriment of your own well-being.

Women and men dealing with deceptive partners need to realize that the relationship is not being acted out on a level playing field. So it's not as simple as expecting a truthful response when you request one. Do you really think a liar is going to suddenly decide to be truthful because you ask them to be? The stone cold reality is that a deceptive partner is intentionally stacking the cards in their favor for their own selfish gain. It's like playing Monopoly with someone who is sneaking paper money into their pocket. You sense the cheating, but you don't have hard proof. So what do you do? Do you keep playing the game by the rules (and stand a greater risk of losing) or do pause for a moment and kindly ask them to empty their pockets?

It's really plain logic here folks. So start thinking with your brain. The heart is wonderful and all, but the truth is it wasn't built for logical reasoning.

People have tried many a times to debate my stance on snooping by saying things like:"How would you feel if your man snooped on you?" And to that I simply respond that I have nothing to hide. So he could look all he wants. Furthermore, if I gave him reason to question my honesty, I would think he was completely justified for snooping- not to mention SMART.

What do you think of snooping? Have you ever snooped on a significant other? Has a significant other ever snooped on you? How snooping effect the relationship?

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Mffff - Living As The Center Of Attention
Tranceboy - The Psychology Of Social Engineering
Brian Tracy - Psychology Of Achievement Course Book

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