Thursday, May 26, 2011

3 Secrets Of Online Dating

3 Secrets Of Online Dating Image
In all my years of coaching men how to succeed in online dating the one thing that always amazes me is the amount of men who still cut and paste a canned opener and send it to a woman.

GUYS: woman know when you cut and paste and send something, it shows that you did not read their profile and the first thing they think about is that you're lazy and not very clever.

The correct online opener is no different than the perfect bar, party or supermarket opener. Don't just send off 100 emails to women and expect to get a response back. Most men who use the shotgun approach tend to never ever receive responses.

"So what is a guy to do to succeed in the competitive world of online dating?"

1. KEEP IN MIND THAT THE WOMEN HAVE ALL THE POWER. What works offline is going to work online. You need to be different and clever just like you do when you approach a woman in a bar or market. It really is all about having fun. To make your profile rock, instead of saying: "I love to travel", share a story about one of the places that you have traveled to. For example: "I love the Italian coast and when I was in Positano I had the best Lemon cello in the world. When we speak, ask me about the view."

Why is this better? Because it will make them picture what that was like and it will peek their interest and it will be something that they can ask you when they are responding to your profile. You need to create an emotional response so they feel compelled to write to you or write you back.

2. SO NOW THAT YOU HAVE SPRUCED UP YOUR PROFILE, how do you get their attention and distinguish yourself from all the other guys online? This is the easy part but it will take some work. Instead of burning through 100 profiles and sending out a shotgun mass email that does not work, you need to pick 10 to 15 women at the beginning of the week that you want to get to know. The reason is that each week their emotions and dating moods change. Plus, if you do it right, you will get a good response rate and have a few dates that week. Now comes the work. You need to read through their profiles and find the fun tidbits. For example, if the both of you have a dog, you can send this email:


BODY: My dog is really visual and when she saw a picture of yours her stubby tail could not stop thumping! We need to hook them up, plus I have to get her off; she is becoming addicted!

Lets talk about this,

Your Name

There are few reasons why this will work besides the fact that it is original and funny. What you are doing is making fun of yourself here. Men are visual and you are telling her that your dog is visual which will get a laugh from her immediately. You want to make her laugh. She is getting all these horrible emails from all of cut and paste men and yours comes in with some originality and creativity. It shows that you tried to get to know who she is by reading her profile.

Now lets say that you or she does not have a dog. This is also easy you need to read her profile and pick out a fun tidbit. If she says that she is spontaneous and adventurous what I like to do is challenge them on that. Women like their minds to be challenged.


BODY: that you are adventurous and spontaneous. What was the last adventurous thing you did? And if you are really spontaneous why don't you send me your number so we can talk. 5 minutes on the phone and we will know if we have chemistry.

Lets talk today.

I dare you.

Women like a man that is bold and one that challenges her mind. You are also getting to the point and creating intrigue. She will wonder what you are all about. Now why do I use the on the subject line? I use it so they feel compelled and intrigued to open it. It is all about what may come after the that makes them curious. You need to realize that most women get tons of emails from guys so you need to get that email opened.

3. STAY ON A SITE. This is by far the best advice. Stop jumping from site to site every 2 weeks and think that you are going to get different results. You need to realize that women will check you out and read your profiles and it may take a few emails to get them to respond. They may be dating someone else the first time you contacted them and they may have been intrigued but they were too busy with other things or you got them on a bad day. I always tell my clients that it is ok to lob another email in a few weeks later. Now don't send the same one find something new to connect with her about.

It is all about being persistent and I have found in all my years of advising people on the internet that the ones who stay on a site and are persistent will be the ones that get all the great dates. You need to be patient some weeks you will have a lot of responses other weeks we may not get much of anything but if you use some of the pointers above you will increase your odds every day.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Abbas Abedi - 5 Steps To Online Dating Success
Elena Petrova - The Golden Rules Of Online Dating

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