READER QUESTION #1: MISERABLE MARRIAGE
I fell madly in love with a girl when I was 18. Problem was, she was 13 at the time and there are laws against that sort of thing, so I let it go and moved on with my life. Well, now I'm 35 and married with kids, but I recently ran into the then 13-year-old and all those same feelings came back.
One part of me wants to be the responsible adult and stick with my wife and kids, but the other part of me thinks that life is too short to not be with the one you love. What should I do? I know she wants me.
"R. DON STEELES ANSWER:
Twenty five years as a marriage counselor are behind this blunt, honest reply. You are bored and unhappy in your life? That's the case with most marriages that have lasted more than 4 years. The ones with children, are twice as unhappy because the children are also unhappy.
Being in a miserable marriage is far more destructive to you, your wife and your children than getting divorced.
Meet with the woman for lunch. See if what you feel is real. See if it's reciprocated. If so, get divorced. Someday your children might tell you it was much better being with one happy parent than with two miserable parents!
I must warn you, however; the most common false belief is that you will be happy when you and she are together. Happiness comes from living well in all things, love included.
READER QUESTION #2: LOVE WITHOUT SEX?
A man I've been dating for little over 3 months is claiming that he is madly in love with me and wants to marry me.
While I feel strongly for him, I have a hard time believing that he's in love with me after only 3 months.
My fear is that I give in and lead with my heart, only to get it broken again. I'm 36 and he's 42. Could it be that he's really in love with me?
We only see each other 2 times a week. And we haven't yet had sex.
"R. DON STEELES ANSWER:
He's certainly infatuated with you, and that's where love begins. Infatuation, lust, love - in that order.
We all want a guarantee. We want to make sure this is for real and such. Sorry, there are no guarantees! There is only being open and vulnerable to love, and when the other reciprocates we have the possibility for love blooming.
I don't know what the code words "feel strongly for him" actually mean. So, I suggest that you spend a night or two together and if that's wonderful, spend a very long weekend together and make love many times and enjoy each other.
Only then can you decide if this is what you want. There can be sex without love, however than can be no genuine love without sex.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Tyler Durden - Building Jealousy Into A Sarge
Ken Lingu - Giving And Receiving Erotic Massage
Iris Macfarlane - India And Marriage
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