Friends With The Exes

JANICE LIEBERMAN HAS BEEN THE FEATURED CONSUMER REPORTER ON NBCS "FOR 10 YEARS AND WAS PREVIOUSLY THE CONSUMER CORRESPONDENT ON" MORNING "LIEBERMAN ALSO ANCHORED STEALS AND DEALS, WHICH APPEARED NIGHTLY ON CNBC. SHE IS THE AUTHOR, WITH BONNIE TELLER, OF" TO SHOP FOR A "SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND AND TWO CHILDREN IN NEW JERSEY. VISIT HER WEBSITE AT JANICELIEBERMAN.COM

READER QUESTION #1: FRIENDS WITH THE EXES

I am friends with all my ex-boyfriends, but my current boyfriend hates this idea and wants me to stop talking to all of them if I want to be with him. Should I compromise or tell him to get lost? We've been together for 6 months and we have a great relationship otherwise. I'm afraid that if I give in, he'll start making more demands. But if I don't, I will definitely lose him. What do you think?

"JANICE LIEBERMAN & BONNIE TELLERS ANSWER:

I have to tell you that I am a little suspicious about a guy who simply cannot tolerate a woman who has male friends or is friendly with her exes.

It is my experience that men with trust issues are either: a) control freaks, or b) not trustworthy themselves. I cannot prove this. It is just my experience. And so, I would advise you to do the following.

Ask yourself:

1. Do I give him any reason to be overly suspicious? In other words are you too flirtatious with your exes? Are you overly friendly? Are your exes respectful and deferential in his presence? A low-key friendship is okay, but not one with sexual overtones or BFF status.

2. Are there really no other indications that your current boyfriend is too controlling or not trustworthy himself? You may find some evidence supporting my theory if you dig deep.

Maybe you can educate your current boyfriend and get him with the 2009 program, which is, of course, this: Women can have male friends and acquaintances without needing to hop into bed with them.

If you can't get him up to speed, keep your eyes and ears open. His jealousy may be an indication that you have a problem on your hands.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Michael Hall - Dealing With The Downside Of Nlp
Cr James - Friends
Robert Anue - Forbidden Pattern The Gemini

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