My Boyfriend Wants A Threesome Dating Question

"Peach asks: "The other night my boyfriend started joking around about having a threesome with me. I laughed and told him sarcastically why not but I was joking too and I thought he knew that. Now he won't stop talking about it, asking me if I find this woman or that woman attractive and so forth. I have no idea how to tell him it's never gonna happen now. Help?

Bonny's answer: You've run up against a definite difference between how men and women communicate. Without getting too stereotypical, let me say that when most men 'joke' about a threesome, they aren't joking. They're testing you to see if you're able, willing and/or interested.

This isn't to say that every guy wants a threesome with his girlfriend or partner. Some do, some don't. Some just like the idea that they might have one, or want to fantasize with their lover about the possibility. "If he's truly joking around and has no intention of trying to make the idea a reality", only then would I say have some fun and play along. He knows that the majority of heterosexual women aren't into threesomes; he just wants you to support his fantasy.

Having said that, your guy has started to take further steps towards making the dream a reality. "If you're truly not interested at all in sharing him sexually with another woman", then it's time for some firmness. There's no beating around the bush here. The next time he brings up anything threesome-related, let him know in no uncertain terms you're not interested. Pause, look him in the eye, maybe even touch his arm gently, and say, "I know you're really excited about the idea of a threesome, but nothing in this world could convince me it's something I want. I don't mind hearing about your fantasies or even getting a bit playful with them, but a threesome will never be anything but imaginary for me." Cater the words to suit your personality and situation, but make the message the same. He'll stop asking you or pushing for answers, even if he doesn't stop thinking about it.

What say you, dear readers? What would you say if you were Peaches? Have you been in this, or a similar situation? What did you do?

Related: Male / Female Sexual Desires and the 'Threesome', All About Sexual Fantasy, Get Dating Help, Couples Communication Quiz.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Brad P - The Buzzy Threesome Interview
J Siverthorn - Focus Directing Questions

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