Cheater Revenge

GLORIA MACDONALD IS A MATCHMAKER AND DATING AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT. SHES AN INTERNATIONAL SPEAKER AND AUTHOR OF LAWS OF THE JUNGLE: DATING FOR WOMEN OVER 40. SHE HOSTS BOTH A WEEKLY RADIO AND TV SHOW ON DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS. SHES A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEUR AS THE FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT OF PERFECT PARTNERS, THE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP EXECUTIVE SEARCH FIRM. VISIT PERFECTPARTNERS.CA TO LEARN MORE.

READER QUESTION 1: CHEATERS REVENGE

I had an affair with a married woman. We were both married and it just seemed to happen. We constantly told each other how much we loved each other and longed to be together.

Well, I left my wife for her. She, on the other hand, not only stayed with her husband - she dumped me and told me that it was all a mistake.

Now I understand how when push comes to shove, people tend to realize the err of their ways, but I'm boiling mad that I turned my life upside down for this woman who promised to leave her husband, only to be left all alone.

I'm thinking of telling her husband. Not for revenge, but just so she could learn a valuable lesson. What do you think?

"GLORIA MACDONALDS ANSWER:

Eric,

Do not do it! There's absolutely nothing to be gained by you telling her husband, except for maybe a few minutes of self-centered gratification on your part.

After those few moments, you'll still be alone in your pain and anger and you certainly won't have helped either your situation or hers at all.

What valuable lesson do you think she's going to learn? I can't see any lesson in this for her other than to see that you really are vindictive and she made the right choice by staying with her husband.

If you really loved her and cared about her, despite the fact that it would be difficult for you, you'd want her to be happy, and you'd support her in her decision to stay with her husband.

You're deluding yourself if you think your motive isn't revenge. You need to take responsibility for the fact that you cheated on your wife, you made a big mistake, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Start being honest with yourself and move on with your life.

READER QUESTION 2: REENTERING DATING GAME

I have only recently returned to the dating scene. I was married for 10 years, but my wife died. I was always a chivalrous man; I opened doors for my wife, let her go ahead of me, gave her my jacket if she was cold, etc.

But on my last 5 dates with women, I notice that they get offended if I open the door for them or do anything remotely chivalrous. Have I been so out of the loop that I missed the part about women not wanting gentlemen anymore?

Please advise on how I should behave with women so that they don't get offended.

"GLORIA MACDONALDS ANSWER:

Dave,

Most women I meet would love to be able to find a chivalrous man! Unfortunately, it seems like they're too few and far between.

Perhaps the women you're meeting just aren't used to being with a real gentleman and they're thrown off a bit by it. I highly encourage you to keep it up.

You're bound to find a wonderful woman who really appreciates what you have to offer. Don't be discouraged. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes meeting quite a few people before you make a connection.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

In10se - The October Man Sequence
Don Miguel Ruiz - The Mastery Of Love
Avishai Fuksman - The Date Saver

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