Girlfriend Wont Marry Me

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DATING ADVICE QUESTION #1: GIRLFRIEND WONT MARRY ME

I love my girlfriend to death and would do anything to spend my life with her, but whenever I bring up the subject of marriage, she gets nervous and starts going on and on about her education and career.

She's 22 and I'm 27, and she is currently working towards her Pharmaceutical degree in University. I am a plumber and sometimes get the feeling that she feels like that's not good enough for her.

We've been together for 2 years and have lived together for the last 6 months. Is this hopeless? Should I stop thinking about marrying her and just enjoy the time we share together?

Or do you think she's going to dump me the moment she gets her degree? I currently support her financially and we live pretty well on a plumber's salary, so money is not the issue.

COSTA

Dear Costa,

It certainly doesn't sound hopeless, at all. What it does sound like, however, is that you have some insecurities about your profession. As for the "not good enough" feelings, I'd get really clear whether they are coming from your girlfriend (for example, has she ever said anything about your profession? Or are you reading meaning into subtle signs and clues?), or if these feelings of inadequacy are coming from your own head.

I'd stop worrying about whether or not she's going to dump you. Instead, try to get to the bottom of what makes your girlfriend nervous about marriage.

Have you asked your girlfriend whether she wants to be on a career path before she gets married? Maybe she feels overwhelmed with school and can't think about marriage right now.

Or, perhaps, there is something about your relationship that's making her hesitant. But coming up with your story lines about not having a "good enough" profession and worrying that she is going to leave you is not going to help the relationship.

Also, keep in mind that she is only 22. Maybe she thinks she needs a few more years to develop herself before she gets married. Think of where you were at 22. Were you ready to get married?

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Adam Gilad - Interview With Scot Mckay
Iris Macfarlane - India And Marriage

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