Despite the fact that men have ruled the roost since the dawn of mankind when it comes to mating with younger women, it is often overlooked that older women having a relationship with a younger man is also as old as time itself.
The difference has always been that, because of procreation necessities, the male of the species has remained dominant in the choosing and discarding of mates.
And, as the centuries unfolded, it was deeply ingrained in the acceptance of rules and regulations regarding human behavior that women had a certain desirable lifespan (to men) so were not of value after a certain age.
It was also ingrained and indoctrinated in society that sexuality in older women didn't exist and, if it did, was an example of abnormality and something to be feared and, in some centuries, stamped out by slaughter.
So any activity, particularly sexual, of an older woman with a younger man was (and, sadly, often still is) considered by society to be totally against all the rules. Society vented its anger - and confusion - at such an activity by calling it "abnormal", "disgusting"or "not natural" yet never really knowing (or finding out) why they believed that or whether that was a fair assumption.
This certain condemnation kept the relationship pairing well hidden and under wraps when it occurred, which was far more frequent than people knew.
OLDER WOMEN LOVE YOUNGER MEN
There were older women, younger men exceptions.
Throughout history royalty and aristocracy, considered above the rules, were often able to openly indulge and expand their sexual proclivities without condemnation and some cultures considered it an essential part of a young man's life and sexual education to have his first experience with an older, experienced woman - often arranged by his family.
It therefore remained a secret sexual fantasy for many young men (as well as many older women), and has been little understood as the exciting, interesting, stimulating, emotionally and physically beneficial pairing that it can be.
Although there are still pockets of the world and unenlightened people who still condemn single older women for preferring the vigor and enthusiasm of younger partners, a great deal has changed in the 21st century.
OLDER WOMEN PEAK SEXUALLY
For a start, older women have discovered that they've been lied to. Sexuality doesn't necessarily die at a certain age, (we have always been told menopause was the last stop), any more than it does in all aging men. Neither do desire nor lust. It is mostly our (and the world's) attitude to it that restricts it.
This, combined with increasing power through economic and social independence, medical advances and education in health, diet and fitness, means the maturing woman is striding energetically, healthily and enthusiastically into the second half of her life.
And among the long list of wants and needs this New Older Woman wants from her life is that she wants what men have had for endless centuries - the option of choosing or discarding a partner and taking a younger one if she so wishes.
For the single woman, it has inestimably broadened their dating horizons and introduced them to a sexual and emotional world in which they have a great deal of power and control - perhaps for the first time in history.
THE MUCH YOUNGER MAN
But, as with all new and virtually unexplored territory, the older woman/younger man world has its minefields waiting for the unwary.
READER QUESTION #1:
I am an older woman dating a much younger man. (I'm 45, he's 23), and although I started this relationship with a "no-strings" attitude, I find myself falling in love with this very sexy and affectionate young man. Is it really possible to have a long-lasting relationship with a man who's young enough to be my son? What are the signs I should be looking for that would tell me he's in it for the long haul?
"VALERIE GIBSONS ANSWER:
It is possible to have a long-lasting relationship with a much younger man - my last husband (I've had 5) was 14 years younger and we were together for almost 15 years, but I have to say right from the start that this is unusual, especially when there is a very large age gap, as in your case.
There's no question there are a few incidents of large age gap relationships ending in marriage. For instance, celebrities such as Joan Collins and her husband Percy Gibson (32 year gap), Gina Lollobrigida and her partner (33 year gap), and Barbara Hershey and Naveen Andrews (21 year gap). But, generally speaking, it is always best to consider a relationship with a much younger man for the short term, not long term.
It isn't that you aren't both suited to each other and you may even be very much in love. It may even be an excellent relationship sexually, emotionally and intellectually but there is an elephant in the room and it is a matter of, no, not your aging process as many are determined to believe (or will tell you), nor that younger women lure him away (he obviously prefers older women like you after all), but procreation.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):
Joseph Matthews - Meeting Dating And Seducing WomenJennifer Smith - Why I Love Men Dating Playbook For Women
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