Jocks Vs Nerds By Herbal

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Hello!

I had no idea that picking a question was going to be this difficult. In spite of my e-mail address bouncing mail for a few hours, I got TONS of really great questions. In fact, it was pretty hard to pick just one to answer.

I picked this one, though, because it illustrates a few basic points that I think a lot of people don't get. It's from Paul from Boston, MA (my hometown!).

THE QUESTION

Dear Herbal,

Most of my time is spent doing school work but this has led to my being accepted to the best schools in my field for graduate study. Most of the girls on my campus date the meat-head type of guys or the rebels - both of which spend their time in less than academic pursuits.

A few months ago I started to date this girl who I thought was stunningly attractive, intellectual, and an overall great fit for my personality. In late December she broke up with me because I just "did not do it for her anymore." It really stung and I am still getting over it. I'm having a hard time because it was the first scenario in my life where a girl who I liked actually liked me back.

It feels like I won't be able to keep a woman even though she said that I satisfied her sexually and intellectually. I am just starting out playing "The Game" and am wondering if I am getting into it for the wrong reasons. Also, how do you approach the girl who broke up with you and not feel inadequate? Lastly, wouldn't the S-and-R value of non-academic jocks/meat-heads be lower than mine in the long-run since they won't get into good graduate schools or have good careers?

Paul

MY RESPONSE

Hey Paul,

Let's imagine that we have two girls.

Girl A is beautiful, fun, and a great conversationalist. She wears great designer clothes and always looks well put together.

Girl B isn't ugly, but she doesn't spend much time on her appearance. Her complexion isn't great, her hair is frazzled, and it looks like her skin hasn't seen the sun in weeks. She's very smart, but not particularly fun to talk to. Her wardrobe hasn't changed in five years, and it shows.

Who do you want to date?

Yeah, me too.

It's not that Girl B would be TERRIBLE, but Girl A is a lot more appealing.

What if I told you that Girl B was in the process of becoming a rocket scientist? That might HELP, but if you actually had the choice, I think you'd still pick Girl A. Which brings me to my point:

We know what girls are attracted to. Rather than fight it, let's embrace it.

Some people (and I'm not saying this is you) whine all day about how the other guys get the girl and how it's not fair and how they SHOULD like you.

But they shouldn't. Girls are a GREAT feedback tool. If they don't like you, you're doing something wrong. There's no way around it. It's your burden to prove that you're worth getting to know, not hers to dig the best out of you.

Now, to get back to you specifically, Paul. Unlike my example, girls don't care very much about looks. They care about personality and how you make her feel. And here's my guess: You're not very exciting.

I don't mean this as an insult. I know you have a lot going for you, and I definitely believe that you want a high quality girl and would treat her very well. If I didn't, I wouldn't be answering your question. Most importantly, I KNOW that you can become attractive to girls.

But here's the thing: when girls go to the amusement park of life, they want to ride a roller coaster, not a merry go round. The rebels and jocks are exciting and maybe even a little bit dangerous. They're roller coasters.

It's not that girls don't want driven guys with high goals. They definitely do! But they want the whole package, and personality comes first.

The upside of this is that once you BECOME the whole package, you'll be a step above the guys who are not (and MOST guys are NOT).

Your challenge is going to be this: You're going to need time to improve at the game. I can cut down the time you need to get it by guiding you in the right direction and giving you good advice, but it still takes time to improve.

Now MAY not be a time in your life when you're ready and willing to commit the time to improving with women. I can't fault you for that, either. I've had periods of time where I don't give girls a second thought and I'm focused on my business.

It will take you a minimum of 8 hours a week to get better. I'd suggest you see what you can cut out of your schedule to make room. Do you watch TV or movies? Cut them out. Do you play video games or read stupid sites like Digg? Cut those out too.

If you're NOT motivated enough to carve eight hours a week out from your schedule, then you probably won't have the drive to get much better with women either.

But if you CAN make the commitment to get better, I have no doubt you'll be able to do it. You clearly have drive, and you've had a high quality girlfriend before.

And to quickly answer your question about how you can face your ex:

Do it proudly. Her rejection doesn't change who you are. Take this as an opportunity to work on building validation from the within. Maybe this is the best thing that could ever happen to you (I had some "tough love" like that in my life too, which prompted me to get into pickup). Maybe you'll now be dedicated to becoming such an attractive guy that you'll be meeting girls way better than her.

They're definitely out there it's just a matter of whether or not you're going to step up and do what it takes to get them.

Hope this helps,

TYNAN

Send me a short e-mail to weekly@makeherchaseyou.com with the following:

1. 3-5 paragraphs describing your situation

2. What your question is.

I'll pick the best one every week to answer, and will send a copy of my book, my hidden microphone program, my book about wingmanship AND a membership to my 30 day interactive pickup course "The Pickup Lab" FREE to help out the person whose e-mail I pick.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Philip Redhead - How To Read Body Language
In10se - An Interview With In10se By Thundercat

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