The Days Of Midlife Lust

At 48, Philippa is vivacious, attractive and having the best sex of her life. "It's quite wonderful," she says. "If you'd told me at 28 that this would be happening, I'd never have believed it." But there's a catch. "It's great sex but it's not with my husband. To be absolutely honest, he's the last man on the planet I'd want to have sex with."

Philippa is by no means the only fortysomething having a great time in the bedroom. In a survey of 2000 women, carried out in Britain by Health Plus magazine, 77 per cent said their sex life was at its best in their 40s; 82 per cent of that age group also said sex was as important to them as it had ever been. Other surveys echo these conclusions. One carried out in the US, for instance, found women in their 40s want to have sex more often than younger women.

Jane Polden, a psychotherapist who specialises in working with middle-aged women, says it's a story she hears time and again, as does relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam, co-author of The New Joy Of Sex.

"There's plenty of research that shows sex gets better for women as they get older," Quilliam says. "It's one of the best-kept secrets of women's lives."

While Western culture constantly associates sexiness with youth, the truth seems to be that it is those women who are approaching menopause - their hair greying, skin sagging a little - who are at their sexual peak.

Polden says there is a host of reasons for this. One is simply that, by this age, women tend to have fewer insecurities.

"Younger women are much more likely to be obsessed with their appearance, their weight and so on," she says, "and worries about those things sap their self-confidence and get in the way of them enjoying themselves. Older women are more confident of who they are and it's a deep-seated confidence, which means they're not scared of intimacy and they're not scared of going all out for what they need to feel satisfied."

Impending menopause is also significant. As it approaches, levels of the so-called "nurturing" hormones - oestrogen and oxytocin - diminish in women, which allows their testosterone to make more of an impact.

The theory is that from puberty women are wired to be attentive to the needs of others, their bodies priming them to care for children. In their 40s, though, when those nurturing hormones melt away, many women are led to the epiphany that they have been putting their own needs in second place for decades.

Recommended books (free to download):

Edward Ward - The Pleasures Of A Single Life
Bertrand Russell - The Analysis Of Mind

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