Dave, your work has really changed my life. A buddy of mine introduced me to the whole C&F deal, signed me up for your newsletters, and I've recently purchased the books. I'm now currently passing on the ways of The Force to a complete wussbag friend who, like me, was brought up to treat women nicely and avoid talking about sexual things because it's “too forward”. Well, as you're covered a million times, we're programmed by our mothers to be total wussies from the day we're born.
I realized that in my past when I've not cared and was totally C&F and she got it, I ended up on dates. Unfortunately, I didn't know better back then and would morph into wuss mode because “it's what they want” and eventually I was just another friend. Anyway, it hasn't taken long for much of your teachings to make sense. The more I bust their balls the better things always seem, and when I can't find the ball busting material I pull the James Bond stance, cock the head to one side, and stand near them like I know they want it... and I'm just the man to give it to them! Believe me guys, exuding confidence is by far the biggest improvement you'll make to your game. Ok, on to the success story. First, I met this fairly hot chick (7.5) at the bar a couple weeks back. At first I was out of it, didn't know what to say (was a long day), and when my buddy was working her friend I just wandered off after just saying hi. I got my beer, wandered back after taking a time out to come up with a few lines and that's when things got interesting. I could tell that she was sorta confused that I just said hi and walked off and didn't just stay there while my buddy worked. Awesome. So I come back, busted on her a bunch, then wandered off... again. In the mean time my buddy was still struggling away with her chunky and not-so-hot friend. Sidenote: he's the “wuss” I refer to earlier that I'm currently trying to train. Things move on, I go talk to my other buddies who are with us, see her on the dance floor (buddy still in tow with “The Friend”), and now I'm getting warmed up with the C&F. I see this dude with the ugliest sweater ever created, point it out to her, and I asked her if she thought he had skinned his couch to make that thing. She loved it, got the e-mail, and the rest is history in progress. Dropped her quite a few cocky e-mails, she sent the phone number... To close this up, two comments and a question.
First, it's strange but true that when you ignore them they pay more attention to you. Second, had she not played the “we're drunk, lets not have sex” card I would have surely closed the deal... on our first time out after the bar meeting.
Dave, your teachings are truly amazing. I do have one question for you. I KNOW you're not supposed to buy everything because it's wussy (and expensive), but what do you do when you're out, you get round one because you lost a bet to this chick, and when round two comes she just sits there expecting you to buy? Fortunately, she's a cheap drunk, but unfortunately I bought all the booze that night. I went as far as looking at her and saying “well I guess I've got this round too, huh?” when she sat there. Like I said, round one was on me because of a bet and that's all I wanted to pay for. I want to go out with her again, but I don't want to get stuck with a $50 dinner tab. Thanks for any advice.
JMS Detroit
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well, I'd first like to comment on your story of how you met this particular girl.
You've really provided a great example of how to be very DIFFERENT than most guys, and how to integrate a lot of my ideas together and successfully apply them.
The idea of walking up to a woman, saying “hi”, and then WALKING AWAY is great (only if you're reasonably sure that you're going to see her again... like in a typical bar scenario).
What do MOST guys do?
They start talking to a woman, KEEP talking to her, try to get a “normal” conversation going, try to buy her a drink, etc.
In your case, you TEASED her mind by doing something unexpected... you said hi, then walked away.
This leaves her to wonder things like:
“Why did he leave?”
“Maybe he thought I was attractive, but then when I opened my mouth he didn't like my personality.”
“Why didn't he offer to buy me a drink or come on to me like the other guys here?”
...etc. etc. etc.
The point is that when you start talking, then walk away, then start talking again, then walk away it demonstrates that you're VERY different from the other guys in the bar who are all acting the same.
It shows that you have self control, that you have things to do, that you could take her or leave her...
And when you ADD to this the Cocky & Funny attitude and humor, it creates a VERY unusual experience for the woman... she's now talking to a guy who seems TOTALLY in control of himself... a guy who is not only unpredictable, but is also interesting and funny to talk to (good things, by the way).
Next, your idea of making a bet to see who buys the drinks is GREAT. I really like it.
If I were you, I'd just keep betting for each round of drinks... hey, if it worked once, why stop? It keeps things fun as well.
And if you're going to KEEP paying for drinks, you need to say “So what am I going to get out of this deal? Don't think just because I'm buying you a drink that I'm going to take you home with me.”
Tell her that she owes you a two hour full-body massage in return. Tell her that you can BUY a woman in other parts of the world for the price of her bar tab.
OK, one of the things you mentioned was that she said: “We're drunk, let's not have sex”.
If I were you, I'd get out the bonus booklet that you got when you downloaded Double Your Dating... the one called “Sex Secrets”. The problem you were most likely dealing with is that you made some type of sexual advance before she was EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY turned on enough.
When you really pay attention to what I teach in Sex Secrets, you'll begin to understand how to really AMPLIFY and accelerate her arousal, and how to get her to the point where SHE is the one that's telling YOU that she wants to move to the next step (and she'll be telling you with her body most likely, not her words).
Go read it again.
And to address your question about paying for drinks and dates...
The reality of the situation is that most women EXPECT a man to pay for a date.
I've had this conversation with MANY, MANY women, and when I challenge them and explain that it sets up an imbalance when a man starts paying for things in the beginning, most women start saying things like:
- “I don't like cheap men.”
- “A gentleman will always pay for a lady.”
- “I don't want a guy who can't afford to take me out.”
- “I don't want a guy that I have to support.”
- “A guy is lucky to be with me, and he should pay.”
I can feel the hair standing up on the backs of the necks of men and women all over the world who are reading this right now. To be fair, I have met SEVERAL women who disagree with this kind of thinking... women who are independent, self sufficient, and who aren't interested in finding a guy who will pay their way. But in GENERAL, this is what you're going to run into. Many women actually don't think of it as a man “paying” for them. They don't even think about the money itself.
They actually believe that a “gentleman” is supposed to always be the one who pays... that it was HIM who offered to take HER out... and that just because she's female that she deserves to be treated to free food and entertainment.
HELL, MY OWN MOM EVEN THINKS THIS WAY! lol...
(I think it's funny now, but I wish she would have told me what was REALLY going on about 20 years ago, instead of making me figure it all out myself.)
Am I starting to rant?
OK, random thought:
If a woman says, “Just because a guy takes me out and buys me a nice dinner doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with him”. Does that mean what she's really saying is that SOMETIMES when a man takes her out and buys her dinner that it means she IS going to sleep with him?
WHATEVER.
Now that we've talked psychology, let's talk action.
- In my humble, personal opinion, the best way to avoid having to pay for a woman's dinner is to NOT TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER IN THE FIRST PLACE.
- I know that it seems obvious, and you've heard me say this in 100 different ways, but you REALLY CAN avoid paying for things by just avoiding the SITUATIONS.
- If you don't want to pay for drinks, don't go to bars.
- If you don't want to pay for dinner, don't go out to restaurants.
- If you don't want to pay for diamonds, avoid jewelry stores.
There are a MILLION other great ideas out there, and a MILLION other MORE INTERESTING things to do.
And remember the most IMPORTANT reason why you don't want to start by paying for things:
IT SETS YOU UP AS A PROVIDER IN HER MIND. Don't worry about PAYING for things, only be concerned with creating the emotion called ATTRACTION inside of her. That's it. If she feels a powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you, then nothing else matters.
Look around.
There are beautiful, intelligent, successful women that you probably know RIGHT NOW who are with guys who mistreat them... guys who the women even have to support entirely in many cases...
WHY?
Well, it all started with ATTRACTION.
Do three things:
1) Avoid traditional situations that automatically set you up to pay for things.
2) Think through and plan interesting experiences for women. Go places and do things that naturally create an interesting, fun time... and avoid places that naturally create a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere.
3) Invest in my Advanced Dating Techniques program. You are ready for the next step, and this is it.
by David deAngelo
Suggested reading (pdf e-books):
Kate Ludeman - Coaching The Alpha MaleThundercat - The Art Of Approaching 2nd Edition
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