Let me tell you about rocks and gold. I often tell this story to chicks when they try to give me bullshit about 'being friends' and wanting to go out to dinners et.al. before agreeing to be my GF/put out sex. It says alot about how guys (and ladies) think, and why they have so much trouble to understand each other. It should answer your question about what guys think.. Men and women both appreciate things that are valuable. Diamonds (rocks) and gold are both very valuable things. In a relationship, diamonds= personality (ie arranging nice romantic dinners, walks on the moonlight, candlelight with soft music', a sense of connection), while gold='sex'. But women prefer diamonds to gold (usually), and men prefer gold to diamonds (usually). Of course, both are important, especially in a long term relationship, but if a woman could choose, she would prefer the diamonds first, and the man would prefer the gold first.
And (generally), a man can accept gold without the diamonds, and a woman can accept diamonds without any gold. So in a relationship, a woman is mining for diamonds, while the man is mining for gold. But if you give a woman gold (sex) only, or a man diamonds (romantic walks and nice dinners) only.. neither is likely to be very happy, and the relationship will soon fall apart. In short, an exchange of sorts takes place in a successful relationship. So if a man expects just gold (sex), but doesnt want to give her diamonds (relationship & the mushy stuff), then she will dump him fairly soon, because he is playing/using her just for sex.. And if a woman expects just diamonds (walks, attention, nice dinners, movies..etc) without giving some gold (sex), then he (if he has any clue about how to deal with women, though many men do not, especially in North America) will dump her because she is using/playing him just for his personality. That should put you to a good start as to how these things are based. Another advice.. ignore the relationship books out there. Most are written by chicks who have NO IDEA what it is like from the guys' perspective, or by psychologists who have NO CLUE how to PU or what it is like in the field).I have yet to see even one that is remotely correct.. and some make me almost throw up when I look at the TOTALLY wrong, and destructive information in there. Guys who follow what is in these books are doomed to disaster.
Not sure about the ladies though, since I am not one.. As for dating guides for guys, what is correct probably could not be published without a bunch of nazi feminist protesters showing up at the door of the publisher the next morning, so it isnt likely to happen any time soon I think. Rather, everything I learned, I learned in 'the field' and with guys who are successful at this.. Just keep in mind that the guys who are very successful with women, in large part, are intelligent, and understand psychology very VERY well. It is scary sometimes how good some of these guys are. Moving a chick through states, using stuff like NLP, story embedded covert hypnosis, cult hypnosis techniques (watch the TV preachers on late night TV for examples of it), tonality, the way you touch a chick when you meet her, plus other psychological tools to induce admiration, confusion, fear, desire and other tools to move a person's mind to do what you want it to. It is astonishingly effective when you know how to execute all this, and are experienced at it.. It becomes a factory process (though done correctly, it NEVER looks that way AT ALL to the chick) and you have a 70% chance or greater (in my experience) in getting any given chick to fall in love with you in a very very short time... it is a science really.. Actually, this is why I have respect for so few chicks with respect to how they select guys .. (you excepted, dont worry ;-) , at least you were smart enough to ask me the question you asked, which is good).
So why do I have respect for so few chicks when it comes to how they choose guys? .. because the guys who are good with women.. are exactly the ones they SHOULD AVOID!! But, rather, they throw themselves at them like flies flying right into the fire. The right guys to choose, are the ones aloof with women, the geeks who dont know how to lead a chick, are not 'silver tongued'..etc. Because those guys will stick to just one woman, because they either dont want alot (which is why they are not skilled at picking up women and making them feel good), or just they cant, so when they get a good one, they do everything they can for her. But chicks never do this!! They are so stupid! Instead, they go out with the 'playboy', or the guy who is smooth with women, and then freak out when she finds out that he has 2 or 3 other GF's! I mean, heck, what did she expect?! If a guy is good with woman, then he will in all likelyhood, have more than one (I mean how does she expect he got so good with women in the first place?!?). She is just stupid, or naive to think otherwise! This by the way is a big difference between a guy and a lady.. ladies are programmed/hard wired in their brains to get one guy, and be very devoted, while guys are programmed in their brains' hardwires to to get as much ladies as they can. Now that is not all true for all guys.. some dont do this, but then they are not likely to have much experience, so these WONT be skilled with ladies. It was a couple years ago,
I decided that since the ladies are only out looking for themselves, that I would worry to get what *I* want first, and not put the lady first anymore. It is their job to fend for themselves, and decide whether or not to start a relationship with me. Because caring too much for the ladies needs (before they become your GF), or rewarding them for doing NOTHING for you (ie. taking them out to dinners.et.al. without her ever giving you sex)... makes sure that you dont ever get any! Now you dont want to do the other parts of your life that way (and I dont), but with women, if you dont do it that way.. you will generally not attract women of quality. Ideally, I dont want to do it this way, but the old way definately does NOT work..the above is the way the rules are in the world (that get results), so best to play by them I figure, if I want any results. Not surprisingly, I get women of very high quality now. Extremely beautiful, smart, intelligent and exciting. Far more, and of far higher quality than when I used to be a 'nice guy' and would put the woman first before me. Now you start to get an idea how a guy who is successful with women thinks maybe.. (note that guys who are NOT successful with women will not think ANYTHING like the above..and likely will be in horror about what I just wrote above.. and also note that if you ask a guy who is successful with women about the above, he will also appear to be in horror, because he is smart enough to know that if he said he agreed with this, you would blow him out. But if I talked to that same guy though, he would (behind your back), agree with every word I just said.. I can tell you all this honestly though, because I am your friend, and have no alterior motive.. but if a chick I was interested in asked me about this (and I hadn't got her yet), I would also 'appear to be horrified' by the above... its just the way the game is played.. All is fair in love & war. Once you understand it, it is so true..
From the archives at Maniac High
Suggested reading (pdf e-books):
Susan Gillpatrick - Common Relationship Mistakes And How To Fix ThemPaul Ekman - Emotions Revealed Recognizing Faces And Feelings
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