Indirect Approach

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The indirect approach focuses on feigning disinterest, while attempting to earn the person's attention and spark attraction. It's a mix of acting, story-telling and off-the cuff comments. It's entertaining. It's engaging. And best of all - it's always enjoyable - because your focus is on having fun.

While other singles are failing to disguise their interest, the indirect approach allows you to slip under the radar. It offers a fun, pressure-free conversation, for all to enjoy. In the meantime, it also buys you time to show why everyone should like you. To showcase your attractive traits.

The indirect approach is most often used in group situations. Because you're not trying to single someone out, you'll be perceived as friendly and improve your chances of being welcomed into the group. This is important because it's easier to break off someone from the group if you already have their approval.

An effective indirect approach opens with a question or open-ended statement to everyone in the group. This allows everyone in the group to contribute and immediately makes you its social centre. After giving yourself a quick time-limit, you begin to playfully ignore the person you're most interested in.
This is done by teasing them, poking fun at their answers or tossing them backhanded complements. The goal is to get them to question why you're not interested in them, and in an effort to get your attention, turn them into the aggressor.

Key feature: Surprise
It's tough to entertain a group over a long period of time, so an entertaining stranger will always be a welcome addition. And if the stranger shows interest in the entire group, no one will be expecting him to single out someone later.

Key feature: Time
The indirect approach buys you time to show off who you are. By interacting with a large group - instead of one person - you're able to showcase different desirable traits along with your engaging personality.

Indirect openers
In most cases, the indirect opener is a much longer than the direct. It will usually involve a series of questions and open-ended statements asked to everyone in the group before you can move into a one-on-one conversation.

Opinion opener
The opinion opener is most common and successfully used opener. It works because everyone has an opinion, especially when it comes to topics of relationships, differences between men and women, and spirituality.

Example: "I need your opinion on something. My friend and I are arguing about who cheats more - men or women. Who do you guys think cheats more?"

Question opener
An effective question opener is an open-ended question that cannot be answered by a simple 'yes' or 'no.' The question should allow the person to go into a lengthy explanation that generates new questions you can ask.

Example: "How did you manage to find the cutest dog in the world?"

Environment opener
The environment opener is a statement about something in your immediate environment. When added with wisdom the person finds useful, the environment opener can be ultra-effective in starting a conversation.

Example: "Great book. If you like smart spy novels you should try Daniel Silva."

Transition to conversation
Multiple openers, questions and open-ended statements are needed to win over the group before you turn your attention to one individual and attempt to separate them. And only after you've won the approval of both and moved away from the group can you transition into more personal topics of conversation.

Befriend the competition
If you immediately win over the group, they are less likely to get in your way. In fact, if you show them how cool you are, they may actually try and help you. So make sure you have openers that interest both men and women.

Spotting singles in groups
To inquire who in the group is single, simply ask how everyone knows each other. If that doesn't work, you can turn it into a game and guess who's with who and explain the reasoning behind your choices. It's fun for everyone and gets you the information you need.

Separating singles from groups
If the person you're interested in has shown interest verbally or through their body language, try to separate them from the group. Ask the group, "Do you mind if I pull Kathy away for a second?" All eyes will turn to them. If they don't disagree, neither will the group.

Joining conversations
A great way to meet people is by joining a nearby conversation. This way it looks like the topic being discussed is the reason you approached the group – not interest in one of its members. If the table beside you is talking about a topic you can provide some useful or interesting information on, wait for a momentary lull in conversation and enter the conversation.

Turn to the group and say, “I'm sorry to interrupt. Did I hear you guys talking about…” If you add to the quality of the conversation, you're going to be immediately welcomed into the fold. And once the conversation is finished you have the chance to introduce yourself and start up another conversation. Joining conversations is a great pressure-free way of approaching other people.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):

Juggler - Tips To Street Approaches
Gunwitch - Dynamic Approach

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