But no matter how you try, you can't get back to that little spot of sunlight where you were so comfortable and safe.
There's only one thing left for you to do: Forget her. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but with this blueprint, you'll forget that girl and pick up the pieces of your shattered heart -- and manhood -- in no time.
1- Take her off that pedestal . Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.
2- Get closure. It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of it crystal clear. She needs to tell you: "I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together." After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call "closure." And you can begin to heal.
3- Don't contact her. After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Get the picture? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.
4- Get negative feelings out on paper. Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.
5- Avoid her friends & the places she hangs. Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends. Throw out her crap, leave your stuff with her and bang away with the ladies.
6- Throw away anything that reminds you of her. You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object reminds you of your ex, discard it. This can save your sanity.
7- Don't try to get your stuff back. Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.
8- Hang out with your friends. Let your buddies give you a reality check on how your ex wasn't all that to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will likely get detonated again.
9- Exercise your newfound freedom. Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your "other half" didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.
10- Remember the bad times. If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a bitch to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your posse? Nobody wants that back.
11- Sleep with another girl. Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. So take solace in the arms of another. Call it a rebound if you wish. Plenty of heartbroken guys go this route and for a very good reason -- it makes you feel better, even if it's only temporary. So go out there and feel better about yourself!
Bonus: Seduce somebody she's jealous of Remember the hair stylist or the hot barmaid your ex scolded you for looking at? Well, now's your chance to make a move that will pay off in more ways than just sex. Just think, if your ex finds out you've been fishing in familiar waters, it will drive her to the point of hysteria. This can be quite gratifying. Banish her from your mind. Getting the woman of your past out of your present is a mental and emotional challenge of the first order. However the tried and true guidelines above should have your heart mended in no time.
Suggested reading (pdf e-books):
Christian Godefroy - How To Improve Your Self ImageChristopher Williamson - How To Improve Yourself
Quinn Hicks - 20 Tips For Finding And Dating The Man Of Your Dreams
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