We suggest two things: first, say "hi" to women, and make it a habit. This makes it easier for you to ask her other questions about her, because the two of you already have some sort of a connection from saying "hi." Then look at her, and find some detail about her that is unusual--it could be a bracelet, necklace, even a briefcase! Then say to her, "That's an unusual necklace [or whatever]. I haven't seen one like it before. What's the story behind that?" "What's the story behind that?" is a great, open-ended question that is really good for getting a woman talking, and sharing with you.
What are the most common mistakes men make when trying to chat up a woman ?
There are two kinds of mistakes men make : Not "pushing hard enough" with women, or "pushing too hard." Men who don't push hard enough are "introverted communicators." Men who push too hard are "extroverted communicators." Both need different things.
Most of our students, and most of the men who are attracted to our work, are introverted communicators. These are men who categorize themselves as shy. They have a hard time talking with women and are more likely to end up a wallflower than the life of the party. These men often have no clue about what to say to women and need to start very slowly, taking one small step at a time and building from there.
The primary challenge for the introverted communicator is learning to express himself. He needs to intensify and escalate his signals by 500 percent. He needs to focus on talking more loudly, making more eye contact, overcoming his shyness, being curious, asking questions, showing romantic interest and examining the risks involved. In short, he doesn't need to worry about toning himself down; he needs to worry about turning himself up.
The extroverted communicator tends to be enthusiastic, silly and fun. These are often men who are in sales, teaching or other fields that involve lots of interactions with people.
Extroverted communicators adore being the center of attention. They aren't necessarily scared to talk to women, but they often don't know what to say. They often think that the way to seduce a woman is to turn up the volume of their personality. This is what the introverted communicator needs to do--but for the extroverted communicator, it's a real mistake. If you're an extroverted communicator, try listening more, talking more softy and chilling out. Don't try so hard. In short, the extroverted communicator doesn't need to worry about turning himself up; he needs to worry about toning himself down.
What many men forget is that women are picturing, in their minds, whatever you describe, and feeling whatever feelings go along with those pictures. That's why we teach men to direct conversations towards discussions of feeling connected, and loved, and aroused.
But some men still persist in talking to women about depressing things: cats dying, rape, starving children, leukemia...And all the while the women they are talking to are making those pictures, feeling those feelings, and getting more and more upset. Not very seductive.
We suggest that men think of talking to women as an activity with a goal: you are not trying to just chat, like you would with another guy. You've got to monitor yourself a little, and make sure you stay on upbeat topics, or you will be in trouble.
I still hate taking the risk of talking to women I don't know. Isn't there some way to get rid of that risk entirely ?
We say it over and over: You can either take no risk with a woman, and come across as a controlling asshole, and still not be in control (except insofar as you are insuring that you will fail with her), or take risks, one step at a time, creating the possibility of chemistry and a real connection (and possibly get her in bed). There is not way out of taking risks with women.
If you are still having trouble grasping the importance and magnitude of taking risks, here's what poet and playwright T.S. Eliot said about the subject :
"But let me tell you, that to approach the stranger
Is to invite the unexpected, release a new force,
Or let the genie out of the bottle.
It is to start a train of events
Beyond your control." - T. S. Eliot, "The Cocktail Party"
Take the risk of interacting with women, TODAY. You can't get rid of the risk. So take it. Let the genie out of the bottle, and something unexpected and truly cool can happen in your life.
Suggested reading (pdf e-books):
C Kellogg - Opening Lines For ConversationJuggler - Tips To Street Approaches
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