A SERIES ON APPROACH ANXIETY BY PAUL JANKA
"Part 1, Part 2, Part 3"
Well... Let's see. I guess we should start at the beginning, at that first step that hangs up a lot of guys: APPROACH ANXIETY. It's certainly a valid starting point and every guy can relate to seeing that hot girl walk by and feeling the tug, but doing nothing. Chances are if you don't initiate contact she'll slip forever out of your reach. So, it becomes the single most important part of the process because without it, you're not even in the game with her.
I've lived in NYC for exactly 6 years, and in that time my game has developed remarkably. I've approached thousands of girls in every environment conceivable (subway, caf'e, bookstore, grocery, bus, movie theater, etc.) and under all kinds of conditions (groups, solo, rain, shine, wind, snow, indoor/outdoor, etc.) I've made notes on what works and what doesn't. In fact, I've written a guide, The Attraction Formula which details all aspects of meeting and sleeping with attractive women. New York City has been a tremendous training ground for me and has allowed me to hone my skills in America's top singles' city.
In fact, my techniques and approaches have been so successful that several national TV shows have hosted me, allowing me to teach others the skills needed to meet beautiful women. Using hidden cameras, Dr. Phil captured me on the streets of New York picking-up girls; later, Dr. Phil had me coach a novice to be more effective with women. I was also on The Today Show as New York's resident Casanova and I was featured on FOX News as a one of the city's most eligible bachelors. The publicity has extended beyond television; in an article in Psychology Today they probed my methods to learn more about what goes on Inside the Mind of a Casanova.
This is not theoretical mumbo-jumbo. What I'm telling you here works, because I've done it and I still use it on the street today. A lot goes into the charm and confidence that's necessary to get a woman's attention, but I'll focus here on how to overcome anxiety and what to say in those first few seconds - the make it or break it phase. Confidence comes from experience and knowledge, two things you'll accumulate as you work your game. I detail a lot of this in Attraction Formula and I'm not going to repeat it here. I will, however, give you a few pointers that can help you up the learning curve faster. Assuming you are ready to walk out and approach girls for their phone numbers, you should keep in mind a few things.
First of all, remembering a bunch of subliminal body language indicators and NLP techniques is burdensome. I always laugh at all those flow charts and acronyms the other "gurus" use when they teach. How do they expect a guy - who is already nervous on his approach - to keep all these confusing instructions in his head? On the other hand, it's not very useful to say, "Be natural," and hope the guy is good at rapping. There is a better way, and I'm about to explain it.
I've never heard of a real player using a "canned" line. I, myself, do fall back on rather dull "openers" when I'm lazy, but they result in pick-ups of which I'm not especially proud. Nor do they make for good stories. The best pick-ups come when I use original, situational opening lines. And here's the trick: my mind is at ease to generate these humorous openers because I'm relaxed and confident - there's no fear or anxiety cluttering my creative channels.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):
Thundercat - The Art Of Approaching 2nd Edition
C Kellogg - Facts By A Woman
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