Remember when I said that there was 3 vital elements in pick up, well here's one of them.
(VITAL- CRUCIAL: EXTREMELY IMPORTANT AND NECESSARY, OR INDISPENSABLE TO THE SURVIVAL OR CONTINUING EFFECTIVENESS OF SOMETHING.)
IMPACT
I hope you now get the point of how important making an impact on your chosen target is! Lets continue.
Time and time again my students ask me how they can do this with out offending? I tell them that it is actually a lot more offensive to waste a girls time with the same old recycled questions and statements you were using five minutes on some other girl! I personally cannot stand a man or any person for that matter who makes little or no impact on my life. Why on earth would I want to spend my evening in a nightclub making small talk with a guy who's obsessing about not being offensive and in turn is actually being really dull and dare I say the dreaded word...regular?!
Why do guys insist on squeezing out every drop of their personality, almost as if they are ashamed of who they really are. What makes us who we are is our unique view on the world, are personal humor, our memories our passions our principles, sure not everyone's going to agree, but as long as you leave out religion, race and weight then it should be ok. I will even go as far to say its better to make a slightly negative impact than no impact at all!
And yet so many guys go around hiding these values with an identi-kit cloak worn by every other guy in town that night.
Picture this, girl goes in to a bar/club she's with her friends, they go to the toilets, she is left standing on her own. Trying to avoid eye contact with men, why? Because she's scared of men? Because she doesn't want to be approached? Usually its none of these, and you might be surprised to know, that its very likely she's hiding herself for fear of entering one of those boring recycled conversation with a complete stranger who has no real interest in what she does or who she is as a person. And who will ask the same set of questions and respond with the same set of bland answers as the guy before him did. Don't you, yourself, feel you get sick of telling strangers what it is you do for a living? I bet you could write out a word for word script of what they always seem to say next?
SO HOW DOES ONE MAKE IMPACT?
It can be through a number of things
Appearance
Clothes
Jewelry
Haircut
Dancing
Body language
Staments
Questions
Answers
Humor
Challenges
Assumptions
For example;
If everyone else is fairly motionless then use a lot of body movement and if everyone is dancing around like mad, then be more still.
Always offer something that makes the girl suddenly see you as an individual, something new, fresh and interesting. Something she's not seen or experienced before.
Start off with small things such as your ring tone on your cell phone, the way you answer the phone, an item of clothing, a couple of accessories, a dance move, or two, what you order at the bar, where you keep your wallet. Woman pay a lot of attention to detail, so even if you think she will not notice something, think again because she will!
That was the easy part; the harder part is how to make impact in the conversation aspect of things.
First of all, you are perfectly in your rights to ask her a closed boring question, not the best start if you are wanting to create impact but none the less, there will be a point when closed questions are necessary such as the golden classic "what do you do?"
We discussed briefly about reaction to her response and response to her reaction last week, and here is where it begins to play its part.
You must firstly remember that as you become a PUA you will realise it's not just about being another confident alpha man that can hold a decent enough conversation. A PUA is someone who is always offering the alternative. He is the guy who comes along and shakes up her reality whether it's temporary or long term. He challenges her beliefs, he makes her laugh, he makes her snap, and he will let her feel like they have known each other for years. He screws with her mind and he's completely unapologetic for doing so.
Here's an example of a conversation with out much impact.
"So what do you do?"
"I'm a vet"
"That's cool, you must love animals"
"I like them more than people"
"Really? That's interesting, I imagine its hard work though"
"Some days, but its very rewarding"
"I'm sure it is, which is the main thing right?'
This here is a fairly good standard of conversation. The man is making interesting comments, he's listening, using hooks etc, but it lacks a little impact, and she's probably heard similar responses. He's still very much in small talk mode and is still in his safety zone.
Lets look at this one.
"So what do you do?"
"I'm a vet"
"Was that something you wanted to do or something your parents pushed you in to"
"Excuse me?"
Keeps looking at her, his expression does not change.
"Well it's a bit of both, my father was a vet, but I chose to do it too"
"That's cool, a job that's of choice rather than pressure is far more interesting"
"Yes I agree, I really love my job"
"Good job your dad wasn't a plumber hey?"
"Haha I suppose so, what do you do?"
This is just a slight alteration that uses impact, she really did not expect that immediate assumption/question when she said vet, and the result at first might have been a little defensive initially. But, because he kept eye contact and his body language would have continued to be in an alpha and relaxed stance, she will treat the question with the respect it deserves. She begins to make more effort since this guy is not giving her the regular bullshit responses she's used too and keeps her on her toes. It also makes her feel she is speaking to someone who is not afraid to show his individuality and who is treating her like an individual too rather than say in this case another vet.
You have to keep in mind that woman are approached all the time, so if you are lets say the 8th guy to chat her up that night, ask yourself mid-conversation, what am I doing any differently from the other guys here? Will she remember my name in a few hours time or will I become a blurry memory merged with all the other blurry interactions she had that evening? When you leave temporarily the conversation to go and dance or talk to your friends, will she be secretly keeping her eyes on the look out hoping to see spot your face again through the crowd? Or will she be distracted and focus on something else that's making ore impact than you were?
YOU MUST BECOME IRREPLACEABLE!
Remember something, there's rarely been a girl who has said next day to her friends.
"There was this guy last night- and he made such nice pleasantries and small talk, that I just had to have him there and then!"
It would be more likely for her to say:
"There was a man last night, he was really different, like no one I've encountered before, I had to have him there and then"
So stop the chit chat (polite detachment) stop obsessing with not offending, get out of your comfort zone and make impact. Remember what I said in my last blog, and you really have nothing to lose.... well maybe that hot brunette that you spotted later, a few meters away from her.
Check out Kezia's website for info on bootcamps, one on ones and other products.
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):
Dr Peter Davies - Big Picture Of Health
Sunny Stout Rostron - Mastering Nlp Coaching Skills
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