It seems like everyday I come across women who have chosen to abandon all sense of logic and common sense when it comes to the pursuit of a man or "the ring." Whether it's tolerating disrespect, choosing to stay in dead end relationships, or accepting side-eye relationship statuses, women unfortunately, and all too often, give up our power to men who have not earned our love.
Trust me, I know what it is to be in love and "blind." I've been hurt. I've played the fool. But I've taken my love-lumps and learned from my mistakes. Because that is what becoming a grown woman is all about- learning from your mistakes, taking responsibility for your love life and accepting no less than what you deserve.
In every relationship there are clear signs that will let you know whether a guy is taking you seriously and in the direction of marriage- or just stringing you along. And let me say: Yes, there are always exceptions to the rule. A man may put a ring on it after 7 years of dating, 5 years of living together, 4 kids, "AND" constant harassment on your part. But do you really want to sign up for that life or bet on those odds? Think about it. Here are a few ways to tell if a man sees you as a forever girlfriend and not a future wife:
1. HE USES LINES LIKE "LET'S WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME"
Doesn't "hey baby, we should wait for the right time" sound so responsible? I mean, it shows that he's thoroughly thinking things through so the engagement and wedding goes as smoothly as possible. Right? Wrong! Sorry ladies- that line is usually a stall tactic. And here's another line: "We'll get there." I've seen some of the smartest women fall for these lines. Be very suspect of a guy that gives vague statements like these when talking about marriage or commitment. If a man can't/won't commit to a time frame for proposal/marriage, it's because he doesn't truly desire to be committed to YOU.
2. HE SUGGESTS A "TRIAL PERIOD" OF SHACKING UP
If a man tells you that you two need to live together before proposal/marriage, it's because he's trying to get all the benefits of marriage without being married. As granny would say, "baby girl, he's trying to get the milk without buying the cow." Now, I'm not knocking unmarried couples that live together or couples that do the "Oprah-Stedman thing." But I know tons of women who engage in "marriage trail periods" with non-committal men. And ultimately, if a man tells you he needs a temporary "trial period" of shacking up to see if you're "the one," you need to simply tell him that you need a permanent trial period of dating other men.
3. HELPS MAKE A BABY BUT DOESN'T EVEN MENTION MARRIAGE
A real man desires an intact family unit for their child/children. Men do like structure and security in their lives- and the family unit (i.e. husband, wife, and children) gives them that. So it should be a huge red flag if a man knows that you'll be having his child (or worse yet, you already have children by him), but he still doesn't, at the very minimum, even talk about putting a ring on it.
4. YOU'VE BEEN EXCLUSIVE BUT HAVE NOT MET HIS FAMILY/FRIENDS
Not meeting your man's mother/parents/family/friends is a sign that he hasn't fully let you into his life. However, this rule only applies if you are exclusively dating for a respectable amount of time. Overall, men with marriage in mind usually want to show off their potential future wife. And being cut off from the people closest to him is a sign that he doesn't view you as the woman he'd want to spend the rest of his life with.
5. YOU HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO BEGGING
This is definitely not a good look. Some women rationalize their begging by describing it as "asking kindly over and over again." Don't be this woman. Even Stevie Wonder can see that the guy that makes you beg for his love/time is the guy that really doesn't value you. So if you've begged, are currently begging, or are thinking of begging- STOP NOW AND DON'T DO IT ANYMORE! Not only are you not going to get the ring, you will also end up losing something infinitely more precious that that- your self-respect.
Why do you think women settle for men that obviously don't want to make a serious commitment to them? Have you ever been strung along by a man who didn't want to commit? How did you handle the situation?
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Joy Of Life - Your Reykjavik Nightlife Free Guide 2
Joy Of Life - Your Reykjavik Nightlife Free Guide
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